I shared my story with my church family a while back, and since I'll be posting some deeper stuff soon, I thought this was a good place to start.
Have you ever read C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia? It’s
an allegory of the Gospel, and in it, the great King of the Land Across the
Sea, is a lion named Aslan. Aslan represents Jesus and in the book there is
great oppression and many enemies and only a few hope that he will someday
return. Then a whisper steals across the land of Narnia that “Aslan is on the
move.”
That whisper that become a battle cry has always captured
my heart. It is the voices of faith and hope and of a promise long ago given,
now coming to pass. As believers in Jesus, we are given the chance to join in
this ragged band of rebels that becomes a concurring army of peace. To respond
to the One who whispers, “I am on the move.”
This is my story. I have been called by Him to rise up
into all that He has promised, to join Him on His movings; to share His heart
and His sufferings. And why me? It cannot be because of anything that I have
done. It is all because of who He is and His great love.
In the books, Aslan gives his life to save a betrayer,
Edmond. Edmond is a spoiled, selfish brat who is unlovable and a truly
unlikeable character. He does not deserve to be saved. He is guilty and
deserves to die a traitor’s death. And to read of strong, beautiful Aslan
taking his place is abhorrent to every notion of justice. And Edmond is me. I
am a betrayer and a spoiled, selfish brat; a genuinely unlikeable character. I
am Edmond.
Let me explain.
My faith-story’s beginning is pathetically common; raised
in the church, good family, strong-willed. I thought I had it all figured out.
I was Easy Prey for the Enemy of our souls. I knew all the rules and I was
pretty good at appearing to live up to them and impressing the people around
me: my parents, my teachers, even my pastors.
Then I turned 18 realized I was tired of hiding all the
ways I didn’t actually meet these standards, tired of being worried everyone
would see I was not who I had led them all to believe. I knew I was never going
to meet the “Perfect Standard” so I decided I would go and do what I wanted to do with my life.
Wow. Such. A. Bad. Idea. Basically, I became Edmond.
And then, I was stuck. I had traded sides and even though
I wanted to go back to God, because I KNEW He was real, I REALLY believed that
I had to clean up my own act before I was good enough to go back to Him. I
really believed I had to save myself from my sins. And, believe me, I was
SINNING, a LOT. And even when I tried to stop and to change, there was no way I
could.
But Aslan was on the move.
Jesus came after me. Just like Aslan left His camp to
give himself in exchange for a prisoner condemned to death, Jesus came for me.
Into my camp. He started to show me about Grace. He orchestrated events to show
my heart that what I really wanted was Him. Not my own way. Not the life I had
built around myself. He started to show me that He was the One who would do it.
[i]
He never left me. He never forgot me. He never ran out of love for me. He
taught me that Grace is so much more than saving me from Hell, for free.
He showed me that it is the power for those
of us who believe to choose, and do, what is right.
[ii]
And He brought me from death to life, He took me, He drew
me out of deep waters and delivered me from my strong enemy, He brought me out
into a spacious place. He delivered me because He delighted in me.
[iii]
Now you tell me, what kind of God is He? He is beyond my
understanding. He saved my life. And He has turned my sorrow into joy. He has
redeemed me and continues to do so; He is changing me and setting me free. He
is healing me and it is transforming me. And its all Him. I know what I look
like without Him, I cannot claim any ownership of any of the beauty in my
heart. Nor do I even want to.
He is real. And He IS on the move. And here is my
heart-song. Aslan is on the move. We are living in dark and dangerous times,
but they will not last. He is moving and gathering forces, putting people into strategic
positions. And I want to be a person in one of those strategic roles who
whispers hope and faith and of promises long-ago given, coming to fulfillment.
Edmond goes on to be a great king of Narnia and a great
warrior for righteousness. As a chosen child of God, I am a member of holy nation,
I am a priestess and all kinds of thigs the Bible says about me that I don’t
understand.
[iv]
I sit in heavenly places and I am a co-heir with Christ.
[v]
And while I live here on earth, there are plans for me.
[vi]
These changes have not come without pain and struggle. I
have not known the comfort of God without having the need for comfort. Last
winter, I was struggling through a very difficult time that I cannot fully
explain and a wrote this in my journal,
“Heavenly Father, I know you
are really real and that You are who You say You are. I know that the Bible is
true. You’re IT. So please take me and do with me whatever you want. I don’t
even care what it is. As long as it’s your plan. Thank you, Jesus. Xo, me.”
Let me tell you, that is a dangerous and desperate and
exciting prayer. And exactly what He loves. I don’t know where His answers to
it will lead me, but Edmond ended up in a battlefield and then on a just throne.
I don’t want glory or pain. I’m not looking to impress or intimidate or
undersell whatever it is that He’s doing. I just know that He saved me for His
glory and I’ll follow Him anywhere.
Are you with me? Because Aslan is on the move.
[v]
Ephesians 2:6; Romans 8:17
